Your child's love language: Seven signs they love you

You love your baby like crazy, but do they love you, too? Of course, they do! They just may not be able to say it yet. But even before your baby, toddler, or preschooler can verbalize their affection, they’re showing it. The proof is in your child’s developmental milestones and behavioral cues.

Look closely, and you’ll see plenty of signs that your baby trusts you and loves you – trust and attachment are the main love languages for kids. Here, the adorable and sometimes unexpected ways that your little one shows their love.

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When do babies start showing affection?

The bond between babies and their caregivers starts immediately after birth. When your baby cries and you promptly and sensitively respond, you’re building a secure attachment, and that attachment is the foundation for emotional health and future expressions of love.

When your baby is very young, they show their affection by being comforted by you. Soon after birth, you may notice that your baby settles in when you hold them. (That said, if you’re having trouble soothing them, don’t be alarmed, that’s normal too!) By two months, most babies will look happy to see you, and they’ll smile when you talk to them. For many parents, those smiles are a heartwarming first glimpse of true affection. By four months, your baby will be smiling unprompted, hoping to catch your attention with a little “I love you” from across the room.

Love languages for kids aren’t complex: If you take care of your child, they’re going to love you. You can start building trust with your baby as soon as they’re born by responding when they cry and meeting their needs. If your baby trusts you, they’ll also trust that the world is a safe place. This is known as a secure attachment, which is critical for healthy emotional development throughout your baby’s lifetime.

Signs your baby loves you

Babies stare into your eyes. We’ve all been told staring is rude, but when babies stare, it’s downright adorable. Newborns love to look at faces, and yours is their favorite. By two months, most babies have perfected the soulful gaze that is a hardwired survival instinct designed to attract love and attention from their caregiver. Yes, it’s instinct, but it’s also showing you that your baby loves you.

They recognize your smell. Given the choice between a dozen fragrant roses and your sweaty, milk-stained T-shirt, your baby will go for the shirt every time. A mom’s scent makes babies feel safe and encourages socialization. To your newborn, nothing smells sweeter than you, so next time they snuggle in, take it as a sign of their love.

They smile at you. The first time your baby gives you a true grin is a magical moment. It’s their way of saying “I love you.” Most babies will smile back if you smile at them by the time they’re two months; by four months, they’ll smile to get your attention, which is somehow even more adorable.

They talk to you. Your baby’s very earliest coos will be directed at you or another trusted caregiver – it’s their way of saying, “love you too!” By four months, babies will make sounds in response to your voice and turn their head to try to find you when you’re talking. That shows they want to listen to everything you have to say – at least for now!

They want you around. As babies become more aware of the world around them, they begin to notice that some people are familiar, and those people are their favorites. By six months, babies will recognize the people they love, like grandparents, siblings, and of course, parents. Soon, they’ll show a clear preference for those loved ones, displaying caution around strangers and even possibly developing some separation anxiety by nine months.

They share your interests. Whether it’s holiday lights or the dirty laundry, if you scrutinize it, your baby will do the same. Called joint attention, this behavior can start when your baby is just a few months old, but it’s more pronounced at 9 to 12 months.

They use you as a shield. Don’t be surprised if your baby buries their head in your chest when someone new appears on the scene. “Stranger anxiety” is a normal phase, and turning to you for protection means your baby loves you and trusts you to keep them safe.

Signs your toddler loves you

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They give cuddles and kisses. Unprompted affection? Yes, please! By 15 months, your toddler will give you surprise physical affection, so be prepared for hugs, cuddles, and sloppy kisses.

They take their cues from you. How would your toddler react to an elephant frying an egg in the kitchen? Chances are, they’d look to you. The world can be a confusing and surprising place for toddlers, and they use your reactions to make sense of it. They love you and trust your opinion. Beginning around 9 months, you’ll see your tot looking to you for reassurance.

They copy your behavior. Does your toddler try to open the door with your keys? Do they “fix” their hair in the mirror like you? Imitation is indeed the sincerest form of flattery, and toddlers are the masters of it.

They engage with you. The back-and-forth that started during babyhood is much more sophisticated now. Your toddler wants to answer your questions, witness your reaction to what they’re doing, and tell you (in their own way) about their ideas. Known as social-emotional reciprocity, this is a sign of your toddler’s attachment to and confidence in you.

They use you as home base. In a new environment, your toddler may alternate between exploring and running back to snuggle in your lap. They may even glance back to you for reassurance. It’s a sure sign of trust and attachment.

They turn to you for rescue. You’re walking through the park when a big dog runs up to your toddler. They raise their arms for you to pick them up and hold them close. It seems entirely natural, but it’s also a sweet sign that your toddler loves and trusts you.

They seek comfort from you. Your toddler may hold out their hand so that you can kiss a boo-boo, or cry for you to cuddle them after a fall. They know they can count on you for comfort, and they trust that you’ll be there to provide it.

Signs your preschooler loves you

You’re their role model. As in toddlerhood, your child likes to copy exactly what you do – but this modeling has become more advanced. You’ll see them “making an important call” while hammering away at their “computer” or even cursing while driving their ride-on car (oops).

They make verbal declarations of love. Finally! At age 3 or 4, many children are stringing together short sentences. That means they may even begin to express their love for you with actual words and phrases. You might hear “I love you, Mommy” or “Your skin is so soft” or even “I want to marry you and be together forever.” They all mean the same thing.

They act up. You turn away to chat with a friend at the playground and your preschooler starts grabbing toys and throwing sand. If toddlers don’t have your positive attention, they’ll take negative attention over nothing at all. Frustrating as it can be, this behavior is another sign of how important you are to your child.

They comfort you. Your preschooler may surprise you with their empathy. Perhaps they offer you their special blanket when they see you in tears or give you a kiss when you hurt yourself. They’re acting how you treat them when they get hurt or upset. That’s pretty loving.

They try to hurt you with words. Love shouldn’t hurt, but when it comes to our kids, sometimes it does. If you disappoint your preschooler or hurt their feelings, they may lash out with an insult like “Mommy’s a poopy-head” or even the dreaded “I hate you!” It’s not fun to hear, but – yes, really – it’s evidence of how much your child cares for you – they feel safe expressing their big emotions around you.

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They give you gifts. You may receive a flower from the front yard, a sparkly rock, a crayoned self-portrait, or a “chocolate marshmallow sundae” created out of bathwater and bubbles. Your preschooler’s funny and touching gifts are a way for them to show you that you’re special.

They celebrate your return. After time apart, your preschooler is likely to give you the VIP treatment, hugging you and showing off their accomplishments. Bonus: This will happen even if they were screaming when you left!

Signs your big kid loves you

You’re their confidante. When your child comes to you with a problem, it shows they trust you. They know you can help them manage feelings, and they’re open to your guidance about how to make the situation better.

They want to do things for you. Your child may want to bring you tea or even make you breakfast. This is a particularly rewarding sign of love and affection, especially after the toddler and preschool years when you may have at times felt like a 24-hour server.

They’re more flexible. As much as we hate to admit it, there are times when we let our children down. The good news is that big kids are more likely to take this in stride, thanks to the reciprocal, loving relationship you’ve built over the years. So, if you have to put off playing a game until morning because you’re not feeling well, for example, they’re more likely to accept this calmly. They trust you’ll follow through, and they have the maturity to respect your needs in addition to their own.

They brag about you. As parents, we brag about our kids all the time (at least to sympathetic grandparents and our partners). Our kids brag about us, too. If you overhear your big kid saying, “My mommy can run faster than anyone,” take it for what it is – a sign of love and admiration.

They show gratitude. The next time you give your child a snack and they exclaim, “These are my favorite! Thanks!” feel free to say, “I love you too.” Or just take a moment to bask in the glow.

They tell you when you embarrass them. If your child institutes a new “no hugging or kissing” rule at morning drop-off, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you. In fact, it’s just the opposite – by expressing their limits, they’re demonstrating the trust they have in you. They know that even if they put the brakes on the juicy goodbye, they still have the security of your enduring love.

They’re a diplomat. Your school-age child is able – and quite willing – to negotiate with you. If they want some screen time but you want them to do homework, you’re able to work together to find a solution. They trust that you’ll listen to them, which makes them more willing to listen to you.

Read more:

Bonding with your newborn

What every toddler needs to thrive

How to raise a happy child

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