Healthy Shame vs. Toxic Shame

Toxic shame, when it is in your life can lead to things such as ruminating thoughts.

So that time that you spend at the end of the evening, or any quiet moment that you get and you’re running through your list and running through what you’ve said and running through what you’ve done and all the things that make you feel guilty and afraid over and over again, that make you feel really low and sometimes even disgusted with yourself.

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Another example of toxic shame being present in your life is a dysregulated mood, meaning that you find that you have lots of highs and lows within any given day and beyond.

Our normal moments of fatigue or a challenge here or challenge there, but extreme instances of fighting to stay joyful and peaceful and really noticing that you’re kind of down in the dumps and unable to get out of it. Another thing that will come out of toxic shame is you will feel like where you failed is a part of your identity, a part of your character.

Healthy shame says, I am me and I’m still a really great person, but here’s a way that I want to show up differently or better.

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Toxic Shame says, I am a terrible person, a terrible mom, a terrible woman, and I have not accomplished things in the way that I want to and it’s my fault.

Take inventory of where you find yourself on any given day. I want to give you one key tip. If you see yourself moving away from healthy shame and into toxic shame, first, remind yourself that you can always work your way back in the other direction.

You can do this by asking yourself a simple question such as, how can I turn this into a plan instead of a problem that allows you to move from feeling like it’s going to spiral you and lower you down to being able to help you move from thought to action, get motivated and experience some success.

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